


Suddenly

by Sarek and Amanda Archive Maintainer (Selek)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Lady Amanda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selek/pseuds/Sarek%20and%20Amanda%20Archive%20Maintainer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Journey to Babel - This follows "Flawlessly Logical". Christine realizes some things about Vulcan marriages that make her see absolutely red. But Sarek has some advice for his son that sets him on a path he had not previously considered.</p><p>Written by Lady Amanda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realizations and Enlightenment

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Just the rambling ideas of a womb-to-tomb TOS fan and a lover of music!

Suddenly  
by The Lady Amanda  
TOS Sarek/Amanda/Spock/Christine  
Rated PG-13

Chapter 1- Realizations and Enlightenment

Christine Chapel was no longer sympathetic in regards to Spock rebuffing the love she had offered him. She was furious. He had made her believe that he was incapable of bringing anything to the table in a relationship with a Human woman.

Then Spock's parents had come aboard the Enterprise. The more she watched, the angrier she became. Amanda's humanity had not been sublimated by Vulcan expectations. It was obvious that Sarek and Amanda had a strong and intimate marriage. Conspiratorial glances at each other from across the room, the slight softening of Sarek's eyes as he touched fingers with his wife. Why, it was even whispered that the front of Sarek's trousers weren't "quite flat" when he and Amanda had disembarked from the shuttlecraft! 

So Spock couldn't love her the way a Human could love her because he's a Vulcan, eh? Looks like the Vulcan way of loving someone wasn't such a shabby thing, because Lady Amanda sure didn't look like someone who only got it every seven years! Then, when Sarek woke up from the anesthesia and saw his wife's face, she could have sworn he whispered the word "beloved".

"Breathe, Chapel....you don't want to make a fool of yourself again and particularly not in front of the Captain and Mr. Spock's parents."

So, to calm herself, she went about her duties in the Sickbay, softly humming as she often did when doing her more mindless tasks. It was reflective of her situation, but she still loved the tune. Shift ended, she headed for her quarters.

Unbeknownst to Christine, however, both her general feelings and the tune she hummed had an audience. Vulcan hearing acuity identified it immediately. He had seen it once with Amanda, before their marriage. Many elements were illogical, but the music was compelling, all the same. 

"Nurse Chapel seems to be in great turmoil, my son."

Spock turned over to look at his father. "If you are referring to her illogical ideas about me, Father, I assure you, that is nothing new."

Sarek, still weak from the surgery and drugs, gave an uncharacteristic human sigh.  
"It's illogical for her to desire to not shame your Vulcan sensibilities in front of your Captain or your parents?"

Spock had never heard his father so candid, especially in such a non confrontational manner. Still leery of the past, he warned, "That is not what I meant, Father. Nurse Chapel harbors feelings for me that I cannot return."

"Cannot? Or will not?"

"What is the difference, Father? I am a Vulcan. She desires Human love."

Sarek gave a half-smile. "Would your forsake the love your mother offered you as a boy, Spock? I am Vulcan as well, but have been the recipient of Human emotions for nearly 40 years. Though it is not the Vulcan way, it is also illogical to expect a Human to cease in experiencing these emotions. Our emotions, not controlled, are dangerous for us. Most humans find strength in their emotions. Even grief and sadness can fortify a Human's resolve to accept what must be. I would not trade the things that your mother offers me for a bond with any Vulcan woman."

Spock was stunned. "Mother said you would never speak of these things to me."

"Normally, I might not. On Earth, there is on old Latin saying. 'In vino veritas.' Now, I have not been drinking any wine, but certainly the pain medication from my surgery has somewhat lowered my control. Your mother would say I should take advantage of it. Your mother is Human, but she has instincts that defy Vulcan logic. She knew the betrothal was wrong for you, but I insisted on it anyway. Yet, in the end, your mother was vindicated and my logic was shown to be in error."

Spock's eyebrows lifted. Sarek had never admitted to be in error, ever.

"Father, while your control is uncertain. I'm going to ask you a question. Even I knew you were teasing Mother earlier. How did you come to marry her?"

"I was ambassador to Earth. I met your mother there. We began as colleagues at the Embassy, as she taught the Vulcan delegation the finer points of Terran colloquialisms. We became friends. Soon, I knew that I did not wish to leave Terra unless I had Amanda at my side. Thankfully, she was agreeable. Otherwise, I do not know if I could have accepted another."

Spock flushed at his father's subtle reference to the Time. Between what his mother had said to him before he reported to Sickbay and now Sarek's candid confession, he was beginning to realize that he had never known his parents as a couple. No one had ever dared to ask him the most blunt of questions regarding a relationship with a woman, Human or Vulcan. His father's voice echoed in his mind. "Cannot? Or will not?" Sarek had admitted to not wanting to live without his mother, and inferred that he felt he could not live without his mother. His mother, in all of her Human frankness, put to rest the notion that she was a martyr and her life was an unhappy one. She had a point about T'Pring as well. No warmth, no caring. Even if she had not challenged, he would have fulfilled his Time with her, he would have returned to the Enterprise, and she would have borne him an heir. No sense of family, no sense of belonging. 

"There really was no bond between you and T'Pring, was there, my son?" Sarek turned to his son. "I must apologize. I think we have both been through an ordeal and our shields are not what they should be. I did not mean to violate your privacy."

The human half of Spock was overjoyed to be conversing with his father once again, without rancor or contention. His Vulcan half was curious about the Vulcan marriage bond, and what it should entail. "No, Father. It is quite alright. I have been having some questions since my experience on our Marriage Grounds. I never felt anything towards T'Pring. She was always beyond my reach, even mentally. From the time of our initial betrothal bond, I felt her contempt for my lineage. I could ascertain nothing of her intentions before she chose the Challenge. I certainly never envisioned her being the constant companion that you have had in Mother. Our bond was so tenuous that we did not even require a Healer to sever it once I emerged from the Fever."

"My son, you are free now to choose for yourself. Despite T'Pau's inquiries, I have no desire to present you with a list of women you've never met, simply because they are appropriate according to their Clan status. Remember, the one you choose literally holds your life in their hands. Loyalty is not something that one can purchase with dynastic mergers or dowries. Your mother is fiercely loyal. It took all of my logic to convince her that confronting T'Pring with a lirpa was not among her choices in dealing with your ordeal." Sarek quirked an eyebrow at his son.

Spock had never seen his father look so amused. No doubt it was because it was the image of his petite Human mother storming Stonn's family home dragging a lirpa. "I must admit, Father, if I were Human, I would laugh at that mental image." Then lowering his head almost instinctively, he reiterated, "If I were Human."

Sarek shook his head, Human style. "Do not lower your head. In retrospect, it is an amusing thing to think upon. But at the time, I had to not only deter your mother from her desired course of action, I also had to purge the negative emotions that T'Pring's traitorous actions had stirred in me. You are my son, Spock. It was not logic that allowed you and Captain Kirk to emerge alive from that ordeal. It was Human craftiness and what your mother would call luck. I did not want this for you."

Spock looked at his father with new eyes. He realized that his father did care. It felt logical to him. His mother loved him. That felt logical as well. Spock realized that no matter what had transpired, he would always cherish them both in turn. If there was room for that in his existence, then he must find someone who accepted him as he was, and be able to return the same sentiments. His life depended on it. Even more importantly, if his father could do so as a fully Vulcan male, then he could do so with both sides of his heritage.

"Rest, Father. You nearly died. The doctor would not be sanguine on you spending less time recovering and more time conversing. In the meantime, I will rest...and meditate on what we have discussed." Spock then ordered the computer to dim the lights, and contemplated things such as familial ties, the true Vulcan marriage bond that his mother asserted that could not compare with anything a Human man could have offered her in the way of love, and even the melancholy tune Nurse Chapel had been humming in the Sickbay.


	2. Doctor's Orders and Green Magic

Chapter 2 - Doctor's Orders and Green Magic

Dr. Leonard McCoy could never be described as a patient man, but he had his own sense of curmudgeonly charm. However, even one with the patience of a saint would be sorely taxed by one starship captain, one Vulcan first officer, and one Vulcan Ambassador who had all simultaneously decided they were ready to be dismissed from Sickbay.

"Dammit, Jim, you're lucky that wound didn't rupture during that beating we took. If I release you today, you will be confined to quarters and mess for the next four days. I am the Chief Medical Officer and my order countermands yours in this particular situation. You will stay here for the duration of the day, undergo further treatments, and if you follow my directions to the letter, you can return to light duty tomorrow."

Spock, being the less weary of the three, rose from the bed. "Doctor, if I may, my state of health is sufficient...."

Doctor McCoy cut him off. "My God, man! If only that drug made you bleed Mojitos instead! I'd have a lot more fortitude in dealing with the three of you. You will stay parked right here until Chapel and I have completed all the tests. We have to examine every aspect of the drug's effect on you so this drug can be cleared for use on Vulcans as well as Rigellians."

"Doctor, really, bleeding alcoholic beverages would prevent you from performing your duties."

"I'd rather have a good Kentucky bourbon anyway, you stubborn...." McCoy decided not to finish one of his usual names for Spock in front of his father. Instead he barked, "Doctor's orders, you stay where you are, Commander!"

Sarek had begun to see that the doctor had a long history of needling Spock, but that it was not truly malicious. Knowing his condition was the most serious of the three, he did not dare to suggest even rising from his bed. "What are your orders for me, Doctor?"

"Well, Ambassador, I know you're itching to do your Vulcan voodoo thing to accelerate your healing process. But I have to insist you wait at least another 24 hours post-op. I have never performed that type of surgery on a Vulcan before and I recommend caution."

At this, both of Sarek's eyebrows rose. "Vulcan voodoo thing? I assure you, Vulcans do not engage in ancient practices of the Haitian diaspora."

Kirk started to laugh so hard his wound hurt.

"Shut up, Jim. Well, it seems the good Ambassador has a sense of humor after all. Maybe you could give Spock here a few pointers. Okay, Mr. Ambassador, the Vulcan healing trance. Is that better?"

"It is more accurate, Doctor. Will there be anyone on hand to rouse me from the trance?"

"Father," Spock interjected, "I can aide you in this. Mother will be able to summon me when the time comes."

"Well," the doctor smiled, "now that everyone has agreed to be good boys and Vulcans, I have other duties to attend to." Once again turning to the captain, "Jim, in spite of Spock being the most recalcitrant of patients, I know you're the worst of all. Scotty has everything in hand and I expect you not to move."

Jim groaned, "Okay, okay, Bones, I get it. Stay here." At the sight of Chapel, Kirk relaxed. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Nurse Chapel. At least I know bedside manner will be much more pleasant for awhile."

McCoy rolled his eyes and stalked to his office. "Damned stubborn quarterdeck breed...."

Puzzled by the doctor's words, Sarek turned to his son. "Quarterdeck breed?"

"Colorful metaphors aside, Dr. McCoy means that Captain Kirk's first, best destiny is to be a starship captain. The captain would not thrive in an office environment."

Sarek turned to his son and began to converse in Vulcan. "Even though I still believe your place is on Vulcan, I no longer take personal offense at your desire to choose your own path. It may have been your destiny to be here. I am here now because of your presence on this ship. Your mother insisted we travel on this ship. She has...missed you. I am looking forward to knowing the man you have become, Spock."

Before Spock could reply, Amanda entered the sickbay, looking well-rested at last. Spock observed his mother's radiant smile as she locked eyes with Sarek. Sarek wasn't smiling, of course. But his expression was not that of perfect emotional control. Touching fingers, Sarek said, "I have been waiting for you, my wife."

"I'm afraid I stayed in bed a bit late. Dr. McCoy convinced me that lack of sleep would be detrimental to us both and prescribed a sedative. Have you been following the doctor's instructions or has he hit the Great Wall of Vulcan?"

Sarek had always enjoyed this bantering with his wife. "No such wall exists on Vulcan, Amanda, as well you know. But to answer your question, I have been cooperative with the doctor's request. I even agreed to postpone the voodoo until tomorrow."

Amanda's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "Voodoo, Sarek?"

"Mother, that is Dr. McCoy's attempt at humor in describing the healing trance. However, I fail to see what is so amusing."

Sarek looked at his son, "All this time among Humans, and you've failed to grasp sarcasm? I had your mother to teach me about a lot of Human practices. Your mother is an exceedingly efficient teacher. Perhaps the doctor is right and you need some pointers besides the obvious ones."

Spock looked at his father as Sarek gestured to his own ears. No, it couldn't be possible. Only his mother looked unsurprised. No, he didn't know his parents at all.


	3. The Ways of Two Worlds

Chapter 3 - The Ways of Two Worlds

The Captain had returned to light duty. Nurse Chapel had served Sarek and Spock breakfast. She had been attentive to her Vulcan patients and found Vulcan food items that were soothing to Sarek's condition. Spock realized that she had likely done some research into Vulcan cuisine. He was a bit confused, however. Sarek had consistently allowed the nurses to serve him meals. It brought back one of his more shameful memories in his recent past. He also noticed that Nurse Chapel smiled upon his father and treated him with impassive distance. He didn't know why, but this bothered him. He was used to her kind and solicitous attentions when he was ill.

Chapel left for her early break and so the two Vulcans were alone again.

"Father, why do you allow the nursing staff to serve your meals?"

"I am not exactly in the position of being able to get it myself."

"That is not what I meant. It is an affront to Mother..."

"To allow a nurse, a professional, to bring me a meal when I'm ill and unable to do these things for myself? This is not the Vulcan cultural situation that you perceive it to be. I am unwell. I'm recovering from major surgery. The nursing staff bring me meals because I require sustenance. It is logical. Now, if we were in our home and had visitors and a female visitor made an overt attempt to serve me, it would be a different situation. Even then, your Mother would only be truly insulted if the woman in question had in mind to serve me something besides breakfast."

Spock turned green from his neck to his ears. "Father, this medication...it has made you most direct in expression."

"My son, the medication is a part of it, but while there are certain things that are still not discussed, we are family. You are an adult. Your mother and I have always celebrated our differences, between Human and Vulcan, between male and female, but there seems to be a universal truth among both of our species."

"Elucidate."

"I am sure you know that there is a difference between courtship rituals of different species. I had to take a different tactic with your mother. Subtle Vulcan courtship rituals between unbonded adults were not going to work. I had to take an admittedly more Human approach. While I still maintained much of Vulcan comportment in public, I escorted your mother to dinner, we attended symphonies, ballets, and different Terran theatrical entertainment." Sarek gave a wistful half-smile at those memories and saw his son's incredulous expression. "Neither Humans nor Vulcans want to contemplate their parents being anything to each other besides parents or amiable companions at most."

"So you engaged in this Terran entertainment to...court Mother?"

"I am an ambassador, Spock. The things I have learned about more emotional cultures was an unforeseen but most welcome gift courtesy of your Mother. It made me less culturally blind as a diplomat. I didn't realize this when I decided I wished to marry her, but as my successes came with more frequency and ease, the reason was clear. Besides, I happen to know that you enjoy a lot of Terran music, particularly that of the Baroque period."

"I have learned, particularly on the Enterprise, that there are some things that defy logic. Sometimes acts of desperation are the only course when there is only a slim hope of being saved. I have to confess, Father, that when I returned from our Marriage Grounds and discovered my captain, my friend, alive after believing I had killed him, I was overjoyed. I lost control, if only for an instant."

Sarek simply shook his head. "To kill is a most abhorrent thing to a Vulcan. Knowing you had killed a friend was far worse. Your reaction was not unexpected."

The sickbay doors swooshed open and Amanda swept in, soft gown swirling. Touching fingers with Sarek, she settled on a bench between her Vulcans. "How are my favorite Vulcans today?"

"I am well enough to return to duty, Mother. I am waiting for my last battery of tests before I can do so."

Christine entered the room, smiled at Amanda, and turned a stern eye to Spock. "Dr. McCoy said you could return to light duty if the test results permit it, Mr. Spock. You are still to be monitored for the next three days."

Spock couldn't suppress a most Human sigh. He usually picked up double shifts, being the only member of the crew who could do so on a regular basis.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "All work and no play makes Spock a dull boy indeed."

At this, Christine burst into laughter and eyed Amanda. "My apologies to you Mr. Spock, but what your mother said..." Chapel laughed until her sides hurt.

"Really, for the first time in years, I have both of my men on each side of me, and I get to be regaled about duty and logic. Really, Spock. Read, meditate, play your lyre. Your Human half will thank you."

Sarek regarded his wife with wry amusement. "I am to enter the trance today, my wife. I will need you to summon Spock when the time comes."

"How am I going to amuse myself for the next two days? Maybe I'll raid the ship's holovid library, watch some movies I haven't seen in years."

At this, Christine shyly interrupted. "Lady Amanda? I am off duty tomorrow. Perhaps I can join you for some entertainment. I can also take you to the ship's salon. They do much more than haircuts and pointy sideburns."

"That is so kind of you, Nurse Chapel! But it's your day to rest..."

"My name is Christine. This would be my pleasure. How do you feel about musicals?"

"Oh, I absolutely adore them! Sarek usually finds the story illogical, but often enjoys the music."

Christine beamed, "Then it's a girls' date! Facials at 0930 and then we can watch a couple of old holovids. I bet I can scrounge up some chocolate ice cream, too!"

Sarek and Spock exchanged glances, "Girls' date?"

"Oh, Sarek...it's when females get together and get beauty treatments, watch movies their men are probably not interested in, and gorge on sweets. On Earth, it usually involves commiserating about relationships as well."

"Very well, my wife. I wish you a pleasant time with Nurse Chapel. However, I would advise you not to...gorge. The last thing Dr. McCoy needs is our entire family residing here.

Christine looked at Spock, all business once again. "We can finish that final battery of tests if you are ready, Mr. Spock."

Spock followed Christine into the private cubicle and Sarek and Amanda were alone.

"Sarek, our son needs help. He can't stay unbonded forever. How can he hope to attract a bondmate when he is so..."

"Clueless?", ventured Sarek. "He seemed a bit irritated about his contention that Nurse Chapel has feelings for him."

"I knew it! I had almost convinced myself that it wasn't true because she seems angry with him."

"That's because she is angry with him, Amanda. She's discovered that a full-blooded Vulcan, married to a woman of his own choosing, experiences joy in his bond to a Human woman. She is Human and untrained, but not completely psi-null and my control is precarious as I've been recovering."

Amanda raised her hand and said, "Let me guess, our oh-so Vulcan son gave her that lematya litter hole about being incapable of giving her anything because he's a Vulcan. Perhaps we shouldn't have been so...circumspect about the nature of a true marriage bond while he was growing up. No wonder she's peeved at him."

"My Amanda, I have talked openly with Spock and I believe he will see his path in his own time. If not with Nurse Chapel, then with someone else. Now, before I have to enter the trance, check the room and see if anyone is in the room."

"All clear, Mr. Ambassador!"

Sarek gestured for his wife to lower her head, and crossing fingers, they embraced in the ways of two worlds.


	4. The Naked Truth

Chapter 4- The Naked Truth

Christine's face was an impassive mask. Her face betrayed no emotion whatsoever, but her thoughts were a different story. "Mr. Spock, you are cleared for light duty. Dr. McCoy agreed that because of your physiology, that light duty for you would be one eight hour shift. Upon completion of your shift, you will immediately report to Sickbay and more tests will be assessed for the next three days. If your condition remains as it is now, then you will be approved for full duty." Her voice was almost toneless. "If you will excuse me, Mr. Spock."

She briefly stepped out of the room, then whirled and dashed back in.

Eyebrow raised, "Is there anything else, Nurse?"

Christine's face burned. "Don't go out there just yet."

"Miss Chapel, if you have something to say..."

Christine furiously shook her head. Spock's Vulcan curiosity got the better of him and he peered out the door. He stepped back as if he had been burned. He had seen his parents, lips and fingers touching while Sarek's free hand stroked his mother's face.

A green flush crept up the First Officer's face. "Why did you not say it was private, Miss Chapel?"

Christine, still refusing to look at him, furiously whispered, "Do you take such little notice of me, Mr. Spock, that my face was red and I was too embarrassed to even speak of it? I told you not to go out there yet. But I gather you got an eyeful, didn't you, Mr. Spock?"

"Yes." Spock felt his head and ears burning as the blood rushed.

Christine looked up at him. Her fury dissolved into stifled laughter.

"Miss Chapel, please, I fail to see what is so amusing..."

Chapel clamped her hand over her mouth, but it was no use. "You look like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas!"

Dignity ruffled, Spock drew himself up. "I think not." His face began to turn back to its normally slight verdant hue.

Previous mirth forgotten, Christine just looked at him. "You would not even listen to me."

"You are angry. Have been angry...for days."

"Permission to speak freely, sir."

"Granted."

"Yes, I'm angry. I'm humiliated and furious. Between bowls of soup and the Psi2000 incident, you've always treated me as if you were the injured and humiliated party. I lost control of my emotions because of a virus, because of a medical condition. I did it in front of God and everybody. The whole ship knows about it and whispered about it for months. Looked upon you with sympathy, while everyone talked about how Chapel made a fool of herself! I happen to know you contracted the same virus, Mr. Spock, and I have no idea of how exactly it affected you. But whatever it did, it wasn't before an open audience! Then you threw the soup at me and it started all over again, particularly after everyone saw the ice cold bitch that you claimed as your wife. I had acted as a nurse because you had not eaten in days and it was obvious you were ill. You took one incident, brought on by something that had infected many crew members with the same results, and treated me as if it was a permanent condition. Yes, that is just part of the litany of reasons I'm furious at you!"

Spock was stunned. "Is that all, Miss Chapel? It seems that I have not considered all the ways of logic in this scenario."

"No," cried Christine, "it isn't all." Spock noticed how similar Christine's eyes looked to his mother's eyes.

"Then your parents come aboard the Enterprise, and I find that your mother is not only not miserable wed to a Vulcan, but radiantly happy. She's madly in love with your father. I didn't have to see that private moment to know that her feelings were returned. You tell me that you can't love me as a Human can, can't give me what a Human can, that as a Vulcan, you're incapable of it. Well, whatever "it" is that a Vulcan is capable of offering doesn't look too shabby. One look at Lady Amanda and it's obvious. Maybe it was true for you, being shackled to the Frost Bitch of Vulcan. No wonder you ran away to Starfleet. If anything could make the likes of Vulcan feel cold, it would have to be her! The thought that you could ever prefer someone like her, who probably looks down on your dual heritage, is the most illogical thing I have ever heard."

"Miss Chapel, almost everything you have said is quite understandable. Quite logical, as well. I will tell you the truth. I have...wronged you and have treated you with discourtesy over something you could not control. It would be illogical for me to deny that what you have said about my parents is true. The one thing you are incorrect about is T'Pring. Like my mother before you, you were quite correct in your assessment of her character. But she is not my wife. We are divorced, and our telepathic bond, severed. I also never...preferred her. I also wish us to continue this conversation in a more private setting. I will tell you about my childhood on Vulcan and how I came to be betrothed to T'Pring. After everything you have suffered, in part because of my behavior, you deserve this explanation."

Christine's eyes widened, "An explanation?"

"Yes, Christine, an explanation. May I ask you a question?"

Christine's anger began to dissolve at his use of her first name. It was not something he normally did. "Yes, Mr. Spock?"

"May I visit your quarters at 1930 so we can continue this conversation? The reason I request this is because of what you told me. Perhaps if some crew members saw me come to your quarters, it would help alleviate some of the unforgivable derision you have been subjected to."

"Yes, Mr. Spock, that would be acceptable."

"Then we will meet at the appointed place."

Spock and Christine came out of the exam room, this time to see Sarek slipping into the trance. Amanda was holding his hand. "Is everything alright, Spock?"

"Yes, Mother, I've been cleared for light duty. Would you like to attend mid-meal with me in my quarters at 1230?"

Amanda's smile lit up the room. "Yes, my son. That would be most pleasing to me."

Spock went to the other side of his father's bed and did something he had not dared to do since childhood. He put his hand on top of Sarek's and whispered in his ear. "Rest and heal, Father. Mother will summon me at the proper time."

Feeling a measure of peace that she hadn't felt since Psi2000, Christine smiled at the Vulcan family.


	5. Advise and Confess

Chapter 5 - Advise and Confess

Amanda's eyes sparkled at getting to spend some special time with her son. Now that her worry about Sarek was past and that the threads of reconciliation had been spun between father and son, she could barely contain her elation. A burden of nearly two decades lifted from her shoulders and it made her feel young and free.

Her eyes settled fondly on Spock as he set up the small table in his quarters for their meal. "I am so happy, Spock. Your father will be alright and you are safe. My husband and son are reconciling, once again speaking as father and son. I also get a chance to spend some time alone with you. Our last conversation was so full of angst because of Sarek's condition."

"There is much to be pleased about, Mother. However, you are incorrect about one thing."

"Which would be?"

"My interaction with Father is not as it was before I entered into Starfleet."

"That's not surprising, son. I told your father a long time ago to give these things time."

Spock gave a slight shake to his head. "That is not what I mean, Mother. I feel as though I have never known Father until today. I even feel that way about you to some degree, though less so."

"I spoke of this to your father before he went into the trance. We were very discreet about our marital relationship to the point that you never saw us so much as glance at each other in a way that suggested any sort of intimacy. I think we did you a disservice."

"To quote someone I know, I got an eyeful today."

Amanda gasped, "You saw that?"

"Do not be disturbed, Mother. In a way, it makes me feel more optimistic about the future. Father was under the influence of pain medication. He said things to me that you had told me he would not say. He actually informed me that he would not trade his bond with you with that of any Vulcan woman. It did confuse me, however."

Blush fading, Amanda smiled. "So your father was a little garrulous under the influence? What were you so confused about?"

"The bonding with T'Pring. Why?"

At the mention of T'Pring, Amanda made a face. "That name should be a new curse word in the next edition of the Federation Dictionary and programmed into each Universal Translator. It could replace the worst Standard or even Klingon expletive for a woman's genitalia!" The look she gave Spock was absolutely diabolical.

"Mother..." Spock shook his head, not really in reproof, but genuine suppressed amusement. "Father told me you wanted to go after her with a lirpa."

"Wow, he was holding almost nothing back, was he? Oh yes. I was so angry that I wanted to smash her snobby face in with a blunt end of a lirpa and rip every strand of hair out of her dishonorable head. Too bad there aren't fire ants on Vulcan. i could have coated her in honey and tied her to a spit. You could have died, you could have..."

Spock swallowed his shock at his mother's unVulcan ideas. "But I didn't, Mother. I'm pleased to be free of her. But that still leaves the question of the betrothal. From the time I was a boy, I knew that you and Father had not been linked as children, and that he had chosen you."

"Spock, human mothers are what we call on Earth lionesses. Think of how a female lematya would act if you had one of her pre-venomous kittens in your possession. To answer your question, Sarek, in his own Vulcan way, wanted to ensure your safety. He knew that your dual heritage could prove problematic with other Vulcans who only give lip service to IDIC, and that leaving it until you were older might put you in danger of being unbonded at the wrong time. T'Pring's family was much admired and they were not averse to your Human heritage. After all, your physiology and comportment was Vulcan, your psi and intellectual skills were superior to a lot of your peers. I don't know how a family like that could have produced a T'Pring. It might gratify you to know that they have banished her for dishonoring their Clan."

"Yes, my Human side does feel a bit of...satisfaction that T'Pring's name has been tarnished for what she did to me and my captain. You might be interested to know that Nurse Chapel shared your opinion of T'Pring merely based on her appearance and expression of her voice. She used some of the doctor's salty language."

"Really? Oh, I have to hear this."

"It would be improper for me to use such...colorful metaphors in front of you."

Amanda snorted, "Oh, my virgin ears! It couldn't have been any more colorful than the metaphors I regaled your father with in several different languages once T'Pau delivered the news to us. Having a PhD in linguistics is useful at times. Even your father threw down a couple of dirty Pre-Reform epithets. You tell me now, or I get it out of Christine tomorrow."

Spock sighed in defeat. "She referred to her as the Frost Bitch of Vulcan and that it was no wonder I ran off to Starfleet so I could be far away from her."

Amanda pealed with laughter. "Oh, I do like that girl! Not only has she taken the best care of you and Sarek, she's a brilliant judge of character. I can hardly wait to spend the day with her tomorrow!"

"Yes, she has been most kind. It was very considerate of her to volunteer to entertain you while Father is in the trance."

"That's because she cares for you, Spock."

"I don't deserve it, not after the way I treated her."

"Spock, there are always possibilities. You can choose your path in every respect going forward. There is much wisdom to be found in logic, in Surak's teachings. But it's not the only logic to be had. There is logic in acknowledging your Human half, because it is illogical to ignore what simply is. I think you will only know peace when you permanently accept who you are, and everything that entails. I'm not telling you to rush out and marry Christine, because I want you to have what I have with your father. But you can make amends with her and be her friend. Most people have a tendency to take the love they think they deserve. All these years, because of the imposed betrothal, you have believed that you deserved nothing better than T'Pring. Before I met your father, I had a friend that was being used and abused by her fiancé. I advised her the same way I'm advising you now. She deserved better, and you deserve better than T'Pring."

"Yes, I am Sarek's son. I would rather bond with a woman of my choosing and with one who can be a true companion. I am going to speak with Christine this evening. I owe her some explanations...and apologies. She has been my friend, and she deserves it."

Their meal arrived and Amanda settled into the ritual Vulcan silence during a meal. Spock gave her an amused look. "There is no point in silence in order to honor a replicator. Also, when I share meals with Jim, silence is not an option. I have learned a few things from living among humans."

Mother and son enjoyed a meal and lighthearted banter. For once, Spock was content to be both Human and Vulcan.

1900- Chapel's Quarters

Christine peered through her closet for civilian attire. What should she wear? "Reign it in, Chapel, this is not a date. At best, it's an act of friendship and perhaps apology."

In the end, she chose a comfortable tunic and tailored black slacks. The tunic was feminine, but not provocative. It was printed in teal, royal blue, and black and had slightly flared three-quarter sleeves. Grateful to be able to forego the boots, she slipped her feet into comfortable ballet flats. Christine always felt uncomfortable being taller than her contemporaries. She towered over Uhura and the boots made her even taller than Leonard and the Captain. This was right...the colors were becoming on her and it was both flattering and modest at the same time.

She then turned to her own private mode of relaxation. It was her secret. Christine could sing. Singing was her outlet for frustration. She especially loved anything from Broadway. It was one of the reasons she didn't join Nyota in the Rec Room. Uhura liked to improvise and it was very amusing, sometimes provocative. She knew that Mr. Spock frequented their gatherings, playing his lyre. The last thing she wanted the other crew members was to think she was following him there. But mostly, because it was something special, just for her.

Her mother had been a bit of a music genius. She could identify composers of music she hadn't heard because of common composition styles. Having been both a violinist and a singer, she had perfect pitch. She had been Christine's first teacher. Later on, as her formal training started, she still didn't drop her role. Christine would practice her solos for recitals and if a note was even slightly off, her mother would cut her off and say, "No!" She was the taskmaster, but Christine had nothing but wonderful memories of learning from her mother.

So she turned on her accompaniment music...she had time to sing 2-3 songs before Mr. Spock arrived. It would relax her. Having a rich contralto range that spanned up to a mezzo-soprano, she had a lot of choices. She started with "Cabaret" and then "All That Jazz". Those were always a little naughty and fun. Then she sang the song she always used to think of her late father...the dramatic "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom of the Opera. Losing track of time, she sang her favorite song, the one that inevitably made her think of Spock.

Spock strode with obvious purpose to Christine's quarters. He had snagged a small box of chocolates. Spock had donned a dark blue tunic and slacks. It was a deliberate choice. He wanted other crew members to see him and know he was not on a business errand. It was working. Initially they had thought he was gone to visit his mother. When that proved erroneous, a few nosey ones began to surreptitiously follow him. Spock wasn't a bit fooled. Undeniable amusement shone in his eyes as he arrived at Chapel's door.

Normally, you couldn't hear what someone was doing or saying inside their quarters unless a high ranking officer like him used a computer override to silently listen in certain circumstances. But between Christine's voice and Vulcan hearing, he could hear her singing. Singing beautifully. He had not ever known this about her. Then he caught the raw emotion in the lyrics as her voice soared to an even greater volume.

"I love him, but every day I'm learning. All my life, I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning. A world that's full of happiness that I have never known!"

Just as he had caught her anger in Sickbay, he felt the anguish from her singing. He stepped back, not wishing to violate her privacy. The tune was unfamiliar to him. Then she was finished, and all was silent. Nosey crew members hid in corridors but waited for him to go to his destination. Satisfied that she was finished, he rang her door chime.

"Come in."

The door swooshed open and Christine rose to greet him. "Hello, Mr. Spock."

"Good evening, Christine. I brought you this." He extended the small box.

Christine's eyes lit up! "Chocolates! Thank you! But I don't understand. You did not have to give me a gift."

"I simply wished to. I want to make amends to you. Furthermore, your kindness towards my mother and your expert care of my father is something I am grateful for. Thank you."

"Your mother is a lovely woman. As for your father, I was merely doing my duty." Christine's eyes twinkled. "One does not thank logic."

"Really? It was logical for you to research the computer banks and choose Vulcan dishes based on the needs of my father's condition, foods containing certain nutrients to help accelerate the healing process? I think you went beyond your obligations in respect to both of my parents."

"Spock, I'm not merely a nurse. I have a PhD in bio-research and I was almost done with medical school when Roger went missing. I dropped that to enlist in Starfleet to search for him."

"Fascinating. I was aware of your PhD in bio-research because as Science Officer, I do review all applicants for the Science Division. No wonder Dr. McCoy lobbied for you. He knew how close you were to having a medical degree and would make an excellent asset in Sickbay. If he were here, I might be tempted to needle him a bit for using Vulcan logic to choose the best candidate."

Christine laughed. "So you do enjoy your sparring with Leonard!"

Spock raised his finger to his lips. "Shhh...only Jim knows that, and now you."

Beyond pleased to have even a small part of Spock's inner circle, Christine beamed at him. "I promise not to tell. Would you please sit down? Or would you like some tea?"

Christine sat down in one of her armchairs.

"Tea would be nice later, but first we talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Yes, a cliffhanger, but it won't be a long wait! The lyrics, of course, are from "On My Own" from Les Misérables.


	6. Confessions of a Single Vulcan Male

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the wait, everyone! Internet issues and real life interfered. But I have gifted you with an extra-long chapter to compensate for things. Enjoy!

Chapter 6 - Confessions of a Single Vulcan Male

Spock sat down in the armchair next to Christine, steepling his fingers as if he was contemplating where to begin. "It would be logical to start at the beginning." He gazed over at Christine with an amused half-smile. Christine nearly gasped. He had never gifted her with that obvious Vulcan equivalent to a grin.

"My mother and I had a pleasant meal earlier today. We actually talked about logic, but not in the way you might think. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I really know my parents. Having left for Starfleet at a young age, I never had to opportunity to develop the relationship that an adult has with their parents. I have changed. But I will elaborate more on that later."

"My parents' marriage was not a logical thing, Christine. At least it was not logical according to Surak's tenets."

"My parents met on Earth, my mother is a high level linguistics expert. She was one of the developers of the first Universal Translator. She was a teacher at the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco when my father took over Skon's responsibility as Ambassador. Skon is my grandfather. My mother was there to help the new Ambassador and his new advisors with Terran colloquialisms. Since Standard is the language most often utilized, this was necessary. If not for my mother, I would not be familiar with phrases such as "getting smashed", "flash in the pan", or as she most recently said to me, "a hunch".

Christine laughed. "Now I know you have to be thoroughly familiar with the concept of a hunch. You can't serve under Captain Kirk and not be subject to his instincts."

"Yes, my mother said as much. But my parents developed a friendship. Sarek then began to choose her as his escort at different diplomatic functions, even balls. My father began to realize that he wanted my mother at his side permanently. So he began to court her, even using some Human courtship rituals, and my mother reciprocated his feelings for her. So they were married, in the ways of both of their worlds."

"Feelings?", asked Christine. "Is that logical in a marriage with a Vulcan?"

"Of course. It's illogical to deny what exists. Mother says that no Human man could offer her the intensity of feelings that Sarek has for her. She says the reason that Vulcans don't use the word 'love' is because it's inadequate to describe a true Vulcan marriage bond. The one unavoidable falter in logic in regards to my parents' marriage was the production of an heir. Many on Vulcan considered my father most illogical for marrying my mother because of the slim chance of being able to have children. My mother wanted more children, but having me was so difficult to achieve. She suffered three miscarriages before the hybridologists were able to manipulate the genetic makeup to produce an embryo that would prove to be viable. My mother's uterus also had to have an implanted barrier that would protect me from her iron-based blood. So she successfully carried me to term and I was the first successful Vulcan-Human hybrid. The barrier in my mother's uterus was meant to be at least semi-permanent to accommodate any subsequent pregnancies. This was not to be. The barrier interacted with her endometrial tissue and uterine scarring resulted. Two years after my birth, she made several attempts at implantation and they were all unsuccessful."

Christine shook her head in sympathetic anguish. "That is an awful fate for a Human mother. The natural and biological desire to have children is a difficult thing to cast away, when you want to have a baby, even if it is to add to the family you already have."

"Yes, when I was five years old, I asked my parents for a new brother or sister. Sarek seemed a bit irritable at my request, likely knowing how it would pain my mother. But my mother just drew me close and assured me that I was her miracle and that she was thrilled that I was her son. But I remember her tears, all the same."

"As a small child, my father had indulged my mother. She had showered me with affection as though I were a fully Human child. She took a sabbatical from her career during those years. Even my father had been indulgent. He would allow me to sit in his lap and teach me simple Vulcanur. But after this incident, my father took charge."

Christine looked alarmed. "Took charge? Kept you from your mother?"

"No! I was never kept from my mother. Sarek, as you so aptly said, loves my mother. She was even an integral part in my knowledge of Earth's history. My mother has her way of fighting Surak's logic with the craftier art of Human logic. Mother has always endeavored to honor Vulcan ways, but she never gave way in terms of her humanity. She laughed, she cried, she smiled, she got angry, especially when she would see Father going into what she termed as 'intractable uber-Vulcan mode'. Once I was shocked to hear Mother mumble under her after a heated confrontation with Sarek. I won't repeat what she said verbatim, but it amounted to her saying that he was a horse's backside."

Christine started to laugh, "The dignified Vulcan Ambassador called a horse's ass by his own wife? I hope I can keep from laughing about that in front of your parents! But Spock, you said he took charge after you asked your parents for a sibling. What happened?"

Spock closed his eyes and laid his head back. "He began my education in the Vulcan disciplines. The lavish affection given to me by my mother, in most ways, came to an end. I even...smile at the memory of my mother sneaking in a goodnight kiss or a hug when Father wasn't around to see it. I think part of her died the day I no longer returned them with the enthusiasm she was accustomed to. I had passed the rite of passage as an adult into Vulcan society, my kashwan. I was a Vulcan from then on, and thus did not indulge in emotional displays. Most were skeptical of my ability to be considered Vulcan, in spite of my Vulcan physiology."

"Was denying your mother the affection difficult?" Christine raised a hand before Spock could reply. "Now, don't give me the Vulcan line for all the emotional outworlders. Not only are you half-Human, but I've seen first hand that Vulcans are capable of feeling things, capable of even violent emotions. I know you nearly killed the Captain because he made you angry in order to get you away from the influence of the spores. I have seen for myself that full Vulcans are capable of feeling love...or its Vulcan counterpart."

Briefly flushing at the memory of the scene Christine referred to, Spock then shook his head slightly, as if to shake it off. "I cannot lie, Christine. It was more difficult than I expected, especially when I was eschewing it virtually forever. My Human half protested at the idea of not even embracing my mother, who had endured so much in a dangerous hybrid pregnancy just to bring me into being. In a more Human way of thinking, it is illogical to deny tender feelings for the woman who was willing to die so you could live. But I had some peer difficulties and I only gave into emotion with them once."

"Peer difficulties? Vulcans have peer difficulties?"

Spock looked a bit pained. "Not Vulcans per se, just this particular Vulcan," he replied, gesturing to himself. "As I told you, no one thought I was capable of being Vulcan. Not only did I want to please my father, whom I also held in high regard, but I was also determined to not respond to my illogical contemporaries."

"Illogical little Vulcan brats, eh.?" Christine started to laugh at the seeming paradox and then she heard Spock snicker. She looked up at him in wonder. Spock was actually smiling.

"Yes, Christine, a paradoxical characterization. But a true one all the same."

Spock had regained his composure and continued, "There were two integral factors into their behavior. One was xenophobia, likely they were parroting things their parents said to them. The other was envy."

"Envy, Mr. Spock? How modest of you!"

"Almost everyone has some Achillies heel, Christine. Ego, jealousy, feelings of rejection...they can all inhibit someone's abilities and best destiny. I know it does sound somewhat egotistical of me, but there are two things that make this true. I am no ordinary Vulcan, Christine. When I began my formal education, my tutors thought my dual heritage was holding me back. At first, my father was willing to accept this. But my mother was not."

Christine laughed, "Full speed ahead and balls to the wall, Mr Spock!"

"I think not. My mother does not possess such appendages, of either species."

"All this time, Spock, it's whispered you have no sense of humor. This IS your sense of humor." Christine smiled in amazement, joyful at this glimpse of the man she had loved for over a year.

"Now there's something else you know that Jim does." Spock's eyes crinkled in amusement. "But my mother literally pounced on my father, and demanded that testing and second opinions be sought. The real egotism rested with the Vulcan tutor. He could not fathom that a child with only a half-Vulcan heritage could rise to the standards of a full Vulcan.. My mother is what would be considered on Earth as a child prodigy. She started college at age 12, and earned her PhD in linguistics by the age of 18. She is one of the inventors of the Universal Translator. She told my father that between his intellect and hers, that it was highly unlikely that I was challenged in my intellectual abilities. She prevailed upon my father with her own logic."

"So, she convinced Sarek that there was a possibility that the tutor's logic might be in error?"

"Yes, to put it simply, and Lady Amanda of Vulcan proved herself vindicated. I was tested and found to be gifted, in all respects. I was ahead of many of my Vulcan peers and was advanced in my studies so I could be challenged. They also discovered that psi-skills were superior to most Vulcans, including my father. My father was displeased with the xenophobia of my tutor and he was immediately dismissed. My mother glowed with Human pride and a grim sense of satisfaction of having proved 'that wrinkled, pointy-eared codger'- her words- as the bigot he was. My father was vindicated in the face of his Vulcan associates that his choice of wife had not meant producing a less than worthy Vulcan heir."

"Heir? Do your parents have a lot of money?"

"That is the other respect in which I am not an ordinary Vulcan. I am a direct heir to the House of Surak. My grandfather is the current leader of the highest place Clan on Vulcan. There are other aristocratic clans, but the House of Surak surpasses them all. When my great-grandfather, Solkar, passed away, my father was installed as Ambassador because Skon was called back to Vulcan to take Solkar's seat as the leader of the Vulcan High Council. Sarek will do the same when Skon dies as well. We are wealthy, but most of all, we wield great power on Vulcan and across the Federation. That is why Sarek is considered the highest ranking ambassador in the Federation."

Stunned out of her wits, Christine sat for a moment, open-mouthed. Then she finally stammered, "You're a...a prince?"

"We would not call it such on Vulcan but on Earth, it is the appropriate equivalent term."

"It's also ironic to think on the fact that my mother, when I told her I could not leave the bridge and donate the blood to Sarek, that in the event of Sarek's death, I would be immediately recalled to Vulcan and take Sarek's place as ambassador, and assume duties as the Council Leader earlier than I expected."

Scowling, Christine stared at Spock. "That's why you saved your father? So you could stay in Starfleet and avoid your responsibilities to your family and Vulcan?"

"No, Christine. I wanted to save my father. My mother knew that I would feel guilt and anguish over my father's death. She merely provided me a logical reason to send Mr. Scott to the bridge in my place. I told you that my mother was highly adept at countering Vulcan logic with Human logic."

"That's a relief, I'm sorry I jumped to accuse you, Mr. Spock."

"It is alright. The alternative scenario, in all respects, is something I do not wish to contemplate. So the derision of my peers was for being a highborn Vulcan with a Human mother and the knowledge that I had excelled in areas that many of my fellow students had not. Only once did I gratify them with an emotional response. It had started the way all of these episodes did. The usual name calling...Earther, freak, telling me I was shameful, unVulcan, emotional. Then one of the older boys did something that still, to this day, evinces nothing but violent anger in me. It was a misstep on his part. He dared to insult my mother in the most vile of ways. I managed unscathed, he was badly bruised and I actually broke his nose."

"Spock! You beat the hell out of a kid...for talking about your mama?"

"So it would seem. Sarek was not angry. The school authorities were, but not my father. I never understood why, until now." He couldn't hide the smile tugging at his lips. "Father would have done the same thing if someone had dared to insult his wife in such a manner, whether he was a logical Vulcan diplomat or not."

"That's...incredible!" Christine shook her head in wonder. "On Earth, even now, people don't take kindly to someone insulting their mother. Not to mention devoted husbands do not tolerate insults made to their wives. Your father cannot even plead being half Human as an excuse."

"No," Spock agreed. "He cannot. I had wondered why he had never looked down on me for that. This visit with them has been most illuminating. I have discovered things about marriage, even Vulcan marriages, that I have never known. Which brings me to what else I promised to tell you, about T'Pring."

"Your...former wife."

"She was not my wife. My father chose to have me telepathically linked to a Vulcan girl as a child. My mother informed me that he did this to ensure my safety, precisely because of my Human blood. He chose not out of insult, but out of concern for me. I presume you know what was wrong with me when we went to Vulcan?"

The color rose into Christine's hairline. "Spock, I have to confess to you. I have always known about the Vulcan condition, at least since medical school."

This time it was Spock's turn to be surprised. "You did know about it? How?"

"Humans are crafty, Spock. We're also as curious as any Vulcan. Vulcan is our greatest ally in the Federation, but they are a private society. In my medical training, we learned about it. I have no idea how the knowledge was discovered. Leonard suspected, but rather than spelling it out to the Captain what was wrong, he left the explaining to you. I knew, though. That's why I was in your quarters after the soup incident. I was crying, because I was overjoyed that the Captain was going to throw orders aside to take you to Vulcan, and because you would be saved."

Still looking green around the gills, Spock slowly swallowed his embarrassment. "I appreciate your discretion. But I will tell you, T'Pring was not my wife. The Vulcan bonding is more than an engagement, but less than a marriage. When Lieutenant Uhura asked who T'Pring was, I told her she was my wife. Not only because of the difference in Vulcan traditions, but because I thought she was going to be my wife anyway."

"Why were you not married?"

"That is what the Doctor would call a 'loaded question'. I never really understood why Sarek was allowed his free choice of my mother, but I was in an arranged bonding. T'Pring actually comes from a very respected family on Vulcan. Their clan is lesser than my own, but it was considered a suitable match for the son of Sarek of Vulcan. They were also one of the few families my parents frequently associated with, and they never showed any disdain towards my mother. T'Pring was quite different, as I soon discovered. She was not one of my vocal tormentors. She was rather quiet, but never spent time berating me as many of my peers did. For this reason, I didn't feel apprehensive about bonding with her. The day came, and we knelt in the sand as our minds were joined. Everything became clarified for me in a matter of seconds. Immediately, I knew the reason why she had not participated in the bullying. She considered me beneath her consideration, that in her estimation, I was not worth even thinking upon, let alone talking to, in any capacity. She resisted the bonding, and the rejection began to make me angry. So, with my superior psi-skills, I helped the adept and achieved the bonding. Between the adept, who was far more trained in the disciplines, and my own powerful skills, T'Pring was helpless. You could say I did it to myself, but...I didn't even care about the adept's disapproval. I made up my mind that I was not only Vulcan, but a formidable telepath, which is a lauded Vulcan ability. I was determined that she learned that then and there. I was Skon's grandson, I was his lineal heir, and I was not going to tolerate any snobbishness from a girl from a lesser clan than my own. Yes, it was a Human response, but the truth as well."

A tear slid down Christine's cheek. "It didn't do a lot of good to 'show her', did it?"

"Ah. I felt some gratification at the time. But I illogically thought her disdain would lessen over time. So I determined to make the best of the situation. My link to her was only tenuous at best, and as she grew older and her shields grew stronger, there were times I could not sense her at all. I decided that I preferred that. When I did sense her, it was always a negative experience. I didn't enlist in Starfleet because of her, but going off world made it even easier to pretend that she wasn't there. I presume she felt the same way, that it was mutual. I had proven myself Vulcan in so many ways, but in one respect, I would have knelt before any god of any faith that would have spared me the most terrible part of Vulcan physiology. I wanted to be Human in this one regard."

Smiling grimly, Christine replied, "It is illogical to protest against one's nature."

"That much is certain. I am Vulcan. But my mother is also Vulcan. She has Vulcan citizenship and is wife to a Vulcan. She respects Vulcan traditions in so many ways, and she has been the embodiment of IDIC that many of my people place conditions on. My mother is actually phenomenal. Being married to a Vulcan such as my father has called for much more adaptability on her part far more than my father has had to adapt to her humanity. Yet...she is happy."

"I know I was hustled away from Sickbay when you returned from Vulcan, and forgive me if this is offensive, but what happened there?"

"Before I might have found it offensive, but not now. I have a need to tell you these things, my own way of making amends. Simply put, T'Pring did not wish to marry me. She chose to Challenge my rights as her betrothed. It comes from Pre-Reform tradition. It is still legal now, though until T'Pring had chosen it, it had been centuries since it had been invoked. It meant that she chose a champion to fight for her freedom from our betrothal. She had decided she wanted to wed another. Instead of simply telling me this, she instead chose to seek vengeance upon me for the bonding that occurred all those years ago. I had humiliated her because I had overpowered her average psi skills. Then I had wounded her unVulcan vanity by making it clear that I was indifferent to her coldness. It is true, Christine. I never preferred her. It had been predestined for me, and even now, it's still a common custom, childhood bonding. But the Challenge is a fight to the death."

Christine jumped out of her chair, "To the death? On Vulcan? She chose to have you killed just so she could have her vengeance over something that happened when you were children? Something that she was equally complicit in? If she hadn't been such a brass-bound little bitch, even as a child, you wouldn't have been driven..."

Christine turned her face away and started to cry. Silently, she swallowed back desperate sobs and walked towards the door, not wishing him to hear her. Spock rose from his chair and strode across to her. "Christine, it is alright. Look at me."

Christine looked at him and saw nothing but concern in the depths of Spock's eyes.

"Though when I left Vulcan to return to the Enterprise, I would not have said I was pleased with the outcome, it is completely different now. Everyone got what they deserved, in spite of the way it came about."

"Alright, tell me all of it, Spock." Christine drew a deep breath. "I will do my utmost to keep my emotions in check."

Christine's eyes widened as Spock drew a steadying hand around her shoulder and helped her to her seat.

"You have some secrets of your own, Christine. You have latent telepathic abilities. Untrained, but they are there."

Christine flushed. "Don't overestimate them. I never do. I tend to think of them as more empathic. A gift to someone in the medical field. We're here to talk about you."

"I will accept that for now. But to finish my tale...T'Pring chose the challenge. Instead of choosing the man she wished to marry, Stonn, as her champion, she chose someone else. She chose Jim instead."

Christine's jaw dropped. "The Captain?"

"Yes. By that point, I should have been beyond speaking. But I begged for this not to happen. Jim was not given all the facts about the Challenge. It was not fair. So thinking all he had to do was catch me in some weakness and knock me out, he agreed, in spite of being given the option to decline, due to being an outworlder. Then the guards came forth with the ancient Vulcan weapons, weapons Jim had never seen, let alone trained with. It was not long before he and the Doctor realized what they had not been told...that it was a fight to the death. In the middle of the combat, the Doctor requested that he be allowed to administer triox to Jim, so he could breathe in the thin air. This was permitted and the fight continued. Finally Jim collapsed, and I thought I had killed him, had strangled him with the ahn-woon.

Everything suddenly whirled back into perspective and the fever was broken. Dr. McCoy took Kirk back aboard the Enterprise. I had won the Challenge, and so under Vulcan law, I virtually owned her. That was the last thing I wanted. Never would I have thought I could ever feel actual disgust at a litany of flawless logic such as that which T'Pring offered me. I went back to the Enterprise, despondent, ready to face the harshest of penalties for what I believed I had done to my friend. I didn't count on Human craftiness. I was overjoyed to see my Captain alive and well in Sickbay and discovered that Dr. McCoy had concocted the ruse. Everyone got what they deserved. Jim was alive. My fever was gone. I returned to the Enterprise, more free than I had been since before my kashwan. T'Pring got Stonn, and now he has her." Spock's eyes twinkled at the last statement, as if to say, "he's stuck with her."

Christine sighed. "I'll never tell."

Spock's voice deepened as he said, "I know that, Christine. You are an honorable woman."

Spock rose from his seat and turned to look at her. "I am sorry, and I don't mean that in the same way as I did before. I have treated you abominably. Every member of the crew that contracted that virus acted in a way contrary to their normal behavior, and that includes myself. I set different standards for you than I did for Mr. Sulu or for Jim, or any of the others. That was unprofessional, illogical, and unkind. I would be honored if you would forgive me, and that we could start anew, as friends."

Christine's eyes shone brightly and met Spock's. "Yes, I accept. There is very little that would make me happier."

Spock nodded. "In the meantime, I will leave you to your rest. I happen to know you have quite a day planned tomorrow."

"Yes, Spock. I look forward to that as well."

She accompanied him to the door. "Good night, Spock."

Spock turned to her and dark eyes met bright blue ones. "And to you as well, Christine."

He paused for a moment and reached out and brushed a stray tendril of hair out of her face. Leaning forward, he whispered. "It will be our secret, but you have a most beautiful voice."

Christine stared at the door a full three minutes after his departure, wondering how she would be able to sleep with her heart pounding so hard.


	7. Girls' Date

Amanda sighed as she leaned back in the hot swirling tub. Flower petals and steam gave a relaxing and fragrant aura to the small room. "This is wonderful! Oh, I have a tub at home, on Vulcan, but Sarek and I spend so much time away that I rarely get to use it. It just melts all the tension away."

The ship's computers had replicated swimsuits for the ladies and following their facials, Amanda and Christine had decided to take a long soak in the hot tub.

Christine opened her eyes and smiled at Spock's mother. "This is a treat for me. I don't rank high enough to use this on a regular basis, because otherwise this is limited to water therapy only. I couldn't believe it this morning that Spock had made sure that all areas were open to use for us."

"I'm not," replied Amanda. "Vulcan men can be very considerate. When I married Sarek, he built us a lovely new home in Shikhar. The entire house had air conditioning installed, not just in the visitor's wing, as is the case of many Vulcan dignitaries. But the real surprise was the bathroom. I can tell you for a fact that water tubs are not standard equipment on Vulcan, even in a home made to host visiting dignitaries. It certainly wasn't the case at Skon's home. I almost passed out when Sarek brought me home to Vulcan and we spent our first three days at Skon's home. Instead of being in Sarek's quarters, we had to reside in the visitor's wing for three days until our house was ready. I couldn't deal with both the heat and the gravity. But Sarek also knew I loved water baths, so he had a shower and large tub fitted for water baths."

Amanda looked across the tub at Christine. "So...my son came to visit you last night?"

Christine jerked in surprise, and the water sloshed around. "You knew about that?"

"My dear, even if Spock hasn't told me about it, there have been some murmurs around the ship. The scoop is that Commander Spock visited your quarters in casual dress, bearing a heart-shaped box of candy and bouquet of roses."

"What?!" Christine's face was already red from the bath, but she blushed redder still. "There were no flowers, and it was a small box of chocolates, and it wasn't in a heart shaped box! He will be absolutely mortified, and perhaps upset with me. I think I might just submerge myself here and now!"

Amanda laughed lightly. "Let them talk. Spock was being quite purposeful in what he did. He visited you, out of uniform, bearing a gift. When he was young, it took him awhile to grasp the concept of gossip, because Vulcans are such a tight-lipped society. But he knew crew members would expand the rumors."

Only slightly mollified, Christine leaned her head back. "That's hardly any relief at all."

"Don't worry about it. I absolutely forbid it. We are going to have an enjoyable day together." This time Amanda looked at Christine with a most mischievous grin. "So...Spock told me you had that woman pegged upon first glance."

Christine smiled. "Oh yes. It wasn't because of Spock, really. It was because of her."

"Yes, her! I wanted to go take a lirpa to her. Never mind that I can't even really lift one without dragging it. I was so angry that I would have found a way, had Sarek not stopped me. Then I got angry at Sarek all over again for bonding Spock to her in the first place."

"What's a lirpa?", asked Christine.

"It's an ancient Vulcan weapon. A fan shaped blade at one end, and the other end is blunt. All Vulcan men are trained in its use. For physical fitness and other considerations. It's largely ceremonial. I could never have managed it, not at my age, and not in the gravity and heat."

Christine chuckled, "That's a funny picture to contemplate, Amanda."

"I suppose it is. I was so angry at the time that it didn't occur to me. I wonder if the stress of the situation didn't cause Sarek's heart attacks. The timing is right."

"Now that is where I forbid you to worry. I nearly finished medical school before I enlisted in Starfleet. Your husband would have had this condition, regardless of outside factors. Besides, would a Vulcan allow that to affect his health?"

"Sarek would say no," Amanda pondered. "But I know better. See, we're in each other's head, and unless he chose to purposely block something from me, as he did the heart attacks, I would know. Which reminds me...maybe the ship's computers can replicate a lighter, smaller lirpa for me. I think I'd like to knock him in the head for keeping that from me in the first place!"

"You are quite a lady, Lady Amanda of Vulcan. That's how Spock referred to you last night when he told me the story of you demanding a second opinion because his tutor said his Human blood had limited his intellect."

"Sometimes Vulcans can make me not want to act like such a lady. But I couldn't imagine my very existence without my two Vulcans. Now I can have them both again, at the same time, instead of separately." Amanda smiled broadly. "In spite of everything, that is the miracle of this journey. All that and I don't have to deal with T'Pring as a daughter-in-law, too! I would have rather seen him bonded to a scullery maid...or a nurse."

Squirming uncomfortably, Christine replied, "So you know about that, too."

"Of course. Sarek said you are not psi-null and that he knew because of his own limited shields after the surgery. I knew, just because I'm Human...and a woman."

"Your son and I are barely friends."

"But Spock has had an epiphany, Christine. He now has all the facts that he didn't have because he left for Starfleet before he could form an adult relationship with Sarek, and with me. I make no guarantees, of course. But there are always possibilities, Christine. Even Vulcans will tell you that."

Amanda and Christine exchanged glances and smiled.


	8. Green and Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but this one is something I've been brooding on all day!

Red - the blood of angry men!

Black - the dark of ages past!

Red and Black (The ABC Cafe)

Vulcan, 2241

"I will not leave until I have spoken to Sarek."

The young servant who answered the door was no match for this man, Vulcan or no. Still, she made an attempt at authority and said, "The Ambassador is not to be disturbed. He is tending to a Family matter."

"I know which matter he's attending to, and that is exactly what I wanted to discuss. Sarek will answer to me."

A baritone voice came from the landing as Sarek descended the stairs. "T'Kera, allow Stokh entry. It is obvious he is beyond all logic." T'Kera fled the room as Sarek locked eyes with Stokh.

Sarek watched Stokh's nostrils actually flare in outrage. "You dare speak of logic to me, Sarek? Your son with that qomi woman committed an act of violence upon my own. The administrators at the Shikahr Academy informed me that you did nothing to admonish him for his actions."

"Stokh, if I were of the inclination to discipline Spock, I would not do so before an audience. As it stands, I am not inclined. Nor will I be."

Amanda had frozen in the study during this confrontation. "Stokh? That pencil-necked troll was the father of the boy who had tormented Spock until he got his just desserts? Oh, this was bound to be amusing. Stokh is out of his place, and out of his league."

"Need I remind you, Stokh, that I am of Clan Surak, and I do not answer to anyone except my wife, T'Pau, and my father? You are insolent," Sarek replied, giving his hand a short wave in dismissal.

"Oh no, Sarek only pulls that Linear Heir act when he is about to blow his warp core!"

"However," Sarek continued, "even if we were to ignore traditional protocol and you had leave to address me as an equal, your logic is in dire question. You come to my home to insult my wife, my son, and me when you should be looking in the mirror."

"My logic is in question? It was your son who struck the first blow against my son. He is in trance with the Healers as we speak because your t'var'eth broke his nose, like a Pre-Reform monster."

Sarek's eyes turned to steel. "Heed me now. Your son is a subpar student and a troublemaker. He torments my son because he has learned your ways. I dare not think of what you say in the privacy of your home regarding my family. He was following your example, as my son has always endeavored to follow mine. My son is a high honors student with psi potential matching that of our most gifted of Healers. He has borne your son's verbal illogic for months. As he follows my example, Spock refrained from responding until he crossed a line. Your son classified she who is my wife as lower than that of a female temple servitor for unbonded males. He insulted Spock's mother, and on Terra, that is considered an intolerable gesture. He probably heard that courtesy of you as well. While you're on the subject of Pre-Reform behavior, you are fortunate that it was said between children. In Pre-Reform times, such an insult from yourself would have earned you a broken neck."

"Sarek!"

Both men turned to see Amanda standing outside of the downstairs study, colbalt eyes blazing.

"Get out of my house."

"My wife, this situation..."

"Is now in my control, my husband." Sarek's eyebrow rose in astonishment. "You will take your leave, Stokh. You have come to our home and have insulted all who dwell here. On my home world, we have a saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

Amanda took a menacing step towards Stokh and stopped. "You have scorned me. You have scorned my son. You have scorned my husband and our Clan. Yes, Stokh, our Clan! I am Terran and possess the Terran emotions you so look down upon. I am also a Vulcan wife and of Sarek's Clan as well. My only regret is that my son has had to find out the difficult way what a phony ideology IDIC is to many Vulcans. They pay lip service to it, but they don't practice it. It's certainly clear that you do not. The shame here isn't in Spock's dual heritage, his Human blood, my Human blood. The shame isn't that Sarek took a Human as his wife."

Amanda clenched her fists at her sides and took yet another step towards Stokh. Too stunned to speak because of the unbridled anger Amanda was broadcasting, Stokh took an instinctive step backwards.

Eyes narrowed, she hissed, "The shame is that closed minds are hardly ever accompanied by closed mouths."

Sarek turned to stand next to his wife in solidarity as they touched fingers, "Quite logical. My wife is Mistress here. We will not speak of this again."

2267

Spock bolted upright in his bed as he realized that he had been dreaming. No, not dreaming. He would collect himself and meditate, and then see his mother. Perhaps she could explain this phenomenon.

Just as Spock was dressed and was leaving his quarters, he nearly ran headlong into his mother in the doorway.


	9. The Greatest Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note - I like representing strong women in my fanfiction. I don't want a clingy, forever weepy Christine, and I didn't like Amanda slapping Spock in JTB. Therefore, I wrote Flawlessly Logical, as well as presenting Christine and Amanda the way I have in this story.

Spock stepped aside to permit his mother entry into his quarters.

"Mother, I was coming to speak with you. So it is fortuitous that you are here."

Amanda looked a bit uncomfortable. "I know why you were coming. You saw it. You were always a far more powerful telepath than your father."

"I spoke to Miss Chapel two days ago about this very incident, about the episode with Stokh's son. I suspected it was not the product of what you would call an overactive imagination. Did it really happen thus?"

Amanda flopped down in a chair. "You said you felt like you had never known your parents. There are other things you don't know about your father. Diplomacy does not always prevail, Spock. Occasionally, as a diplomat, your father and I have found ourselves in less than friendly situations. You've never realized exactly why your father disapproved of your enlistment in Starfleet, have you?"

Spock peered thoughtfully at his mother. "I've always thought it was because I never was the son he wanted me to be, that he was ashamed of my Humanity. I believed he felt that I would have to act in illogical ways in Starfleet, that I would be contaminated by Humans, that I might have to resort to violence and go against Vulcan values."

"I hope you know now that is not true, Spock. Your father had his reasons in regards to Starfleet, and none of them had to do with you being a disappointment to him in any regard. Vulcans have been traveling and exploring for centuries, and they often found themselves in hostile situations where self-defense was the only choice at hand. Your father would not fault you for self-defense. Your father has been injured on some of his diplomatic missions, and has required the trance on more than one occasion. When he is near to emerging from the trance, he often broadcasts thoughts, memories."

"Mother, that does not explain why I also saw the incident from your point of view as well."

Amanda shook her head and smiled. "Still, you do not understand, Spock. Your father and I are bonded. We are closely bonded. When he began to remember the incident in the trance, I remembered it as well. So you received the entire picture, both from my end and his. I'm a bit of a shrew, aren't I, son?" Her eyes sparkled mischievously.

Spock's lips curved upward. "Not at all. You were very formidable. I could see that Father had admiration for your courage, and for the way you reprimanded Stokh, even if your intervention initially surprised him. I had no idea...I know that Father never punished me for the incident, but we never spoke of it."

"Sarek knew you had been traumatized by the incident. Rather than subject you to more, he preferred to...let sleeping dogs lie." Amanda reached over and touched Spock's hand. To her surprise, he didn't flinch away from her touch. Instead, he allowed his mother's love and pride wash over him. "Your father knew that a career in the diplomatic corps was dangerous enough at times. Starfleet put you in the same danger that many Vulcan explorers found themselves in."

"Why did he not say so, Mother? Humans might be illogical, but their ability to communicate opens more doorways than the Vulcan way does. All these years, I felt as if I wasn't the Vulcan son he wanted."

Amanda's laughter rang like silver tinkling bells. "What is so strongly Vulcan about choosing a Human wife and then going to great lengths to have a child of both of our worlds? I told you, we had no idea if I would ever be able to present him with an heir. We married because we wished to. We might have remained forever, as merely Sarek and Amanda. Instead, our leap of faith was rewarded. It is true, Sarek wanted you to be accepted as a Vulcan, but that was something that lay in the inevitability of your legacy. You are his son. You will sit in Skon's seat someday, and you were worthy of the respect of other Vulcans to a Clan Leader. He merely wanted that point underlined. That is why he refused to tolerate those such as Stokh."

"It is illogical to be this gratified, especially over an incident that happened so long ago, but I am quite pleased with the way you and Father supported me. I once thought it was only because of what was said about you and that was unacceptable to Sarek, as your husband. It was not only that. He simply told Stokh that I had had enough of his son's poor treatment, and that I taught him a lesson that was well-deserved."

"Exactly, Spock," Amanda smiled. "You must make me a promise. Your father will emerge from the trance at some point today. Promise me that you will speak to your father. It makes no sense that your father can speak and reason with people of hundreds of different worlds, but clams up when addressing his own son."

Spock hesitated, then nodded. "I will make the effort, Mother."

"One more thing, Spock. Please don't refuse. I've had a lot of training and I promise you won't be disturbed."

Slanted eyebrows disappeared underneath Spock's bangs. "A meld?"

"Yes," Amanda affirmed. "A meld. A most essential piece of the puzzle."

Spock raised his hand and carefully placed his fingers on his mother's psi points, as he whispered, "My mind..to your mind..."

He saw his mother, young and breathtaking, sapphire eyes shining as she smiled at his father. They were in a theatre setting, in a private box. Amanda wore a gorgeous flowing evening gown and Sarek wore his finest robes. Beautiful music played and there was singing on stage. For a moment, Amanda looked surprised, and looked down at her delicate gloved hand. Sarek's hand rested upon hers. Blue eyes met black eyes as Sarek chose the moment and let the intensity of his expression declare his intent.

Then Spock saw his parents' townhome. It was the middle of the night. Sarek came around as the passenger door of his father's personal flyer opened to his voice command. Amanda wrapped her baby tightly to protect him from the chilly desert night air. She stepped out, and Sarek picked her up, infant and all and carried his family into their home. He set them gently on the sofa, and looked at his wife before disappearing into his study.

Amanda held their baby son tenderly in her arms. He wore a tiny blue sleeper with tiny IDIC insignias that she had embroidered on the lapel. With his cap of black hair and pointed ears, Amanda was entranced with how much her tiny elfin son resembled his father's bloodlines.

Then Sarek returned, with holocam in hand. Spock saw his mother's beautiful face, framed with her golden tendrils as her eyes gleamed with jubilant love and wonder at her son, at their miracle. Then she looked up at Sarek, the look that Spock had seen his mother give his father hundreds of times. But this time was different. Spock had seen this picture on his mother's dresser. Now he knew who had taken it. Sarek's eyes softened, and just before he captured the moment forever, his lips formed an unmistakable smile as his eyes met his wife's.

Spock gently withdrew from the meld. Vulcans did not cry, but the Human in him wished to. Instead his eyes met his mother's and shakily, he found his voice. "I did not know. This is the greatest gift I have ever received."

Amanda gently put her arms around her son, and Spock, perspective changed forever, and suddenly realizing that Vulcan protocol was inappropriate, returned her embrace.


	10. Awakenings and Beginnings

If Spock had been anything besides Vulcan, he would have found the day to be strangely exhausting. The memory he had seen of his parents when he was a boy, the way they had dealt with the irate parent of his tormentor was a scene he had never known happened. When his parents had brought him home from school that day, his mother had fussed over his hands. He sat there, almost glassy-eyed with shock over what he had done, and flummoxed over the lack of rebuke from his father. He flexed his hands in the soothing hot water soak Amanda had prepared for him. Then he allowed his mother to rub a light herbal balm into his knuckles. It did slightly numb the soreness, though he could have just used the disciplines to control the pain. But his Human half was not in any mood for Vulcan methods, in no mind for meditating any sort of pain away. Sarek arrived in the kitchen as Amanda had finished with the salve.

"Come, my son. We will go upstairs to your suite."

Spock's eyes met his father's, and betrayed anxiety in his startled glance.

Sarek closed his eyes and slightly shook his head. "You will be more comfortable in your rooms, Spock. I am Vulcan, but I am not so unfeeling as to not acknowledge that today was a culmination of many events."

So Spock followed his father to his rooms. He went into his dressing room and changed into lightweight pajamas that he often used for meditation. Sarek still sat on the chair at Spock's desk when he emerged with his hair neatly combed back into place. He began to retrieve his meditation mat when his father stopped him.

"Meditation can come later, my son. I concur with your mother that rest would be better for you right now. Humans defy logic, but in my dealings with your mother, sometimes it is better to heed her intuition."

Spock wanted to collapse in relief, but instead watched as his father turned back his blanket. His mother would have been tempted to "tuck him in" and was grateful that his father was here instead. He had succumbed to enough emotionalism for one day. Sarek lightly touched Spock's face as he whispered, "Sleep, c'hai." Spock barely heard his father order the lights to dim as he was almost instantly asleep.

Now armed with all the facts, he realized how much his father cherished him, had wished to protect him. Spock remembered the meld with his mother, and saw the unmistakable smile that lit Sarek's face with pride as he brought his newborn son home for the first time. In many ways, he felt the fool, thinking that he and his father had made his mother miserable- Sarek for marrying her and bringing her to Vulcan, and he for never telling his mother he loved her.

Now at the end of his shift, he headed towards Sickbay. He still was being checked for side-effects of the medication so the drug could be cleared for use on Vulcans. As the doors swooshed open, his mother sat beside his father, her hand covering his. Amanda smiled at him. "Still being monitored?"

"Yes, Mother. The results of this study will mean trials on full Vulcans, so it is important that I heed Doctor McCoy and allow their data to be recorded."

"Well, the good doctor has gone for his dinner. He's a bit disappointed that your father's still in trance, since he was looking to sharing a 'wee drop' with your Chief Engineer. Although I don't think he was going to drink the same thing that Mr. Scott is...he made a reference to it being more fit for powering the Enterprise than for Human consumption." Amanda's face brightened with laughter.

Spock gave a twisted half-smile. "Humans and their ethanol. But yes, the doctor prefers bourbon and Mr. Scott prefers a single-malt scotch."

"How provincial of them," Amanda deadpanned.

"Yes, I've heard Dr. McCoy wax ad nauseam about the benefits of a good Kentucky bourbon. The doctor is fond of anecdotes about that beverage in regards to his own profession. He said that doctors once prescribed cough tonics that were nothing more than ethanol. I never did quite understand why he thought the tale was so humorous about the claim the tonic wouldn't cure a patient but that in the meantime, 'they wouldn't give a damn'."

Amanda's eyes sparkled as she laughed. "Spock, I'm afraid there are quite a lot of Human anecdotes in that particular vein."

"Such as the one with the teething baby?"

Amanda and Spock turned around to see a smiling Chapel.

"I presume you refer to the Human malady of infants experiencing pain upon the emerging of their teeth and the crying that accompanies it, Miss Chapel?"

"Not merely Human infants," replied Amanda drily.

Spock cocked a warning eyebrow at his mother. "Mother, I think Miss Chapel was about to tell us a story about teething babies that you might find amusing and..."

"Spoilsport." Amanda raised both hands in mock surrender. "Heaven forbid I get to have the singular indulgence in telling when my child did something I actually expected to happen! Please continue, Christine."

"Well...the old story is that the mother has an infant who is suffering from teething and the desperate mother has had no sleep for three nights straight. She calls the pediatrician's office and tells of her plight. The doctor then tells her ,'Two shots of gin, and then call me in the morning.' The mother gasps in horror. 'You want me to give my baby two shots of gin?' The pediatrician replies, 'Heavens, no! The gin is for you!' The mother then asks how that is going to help her baby. The pediatrician says, 'It won't, but you won't care anymore!' and then cuts off the call."

Spock did his best to look ignorant of the humor, but a slight twinkle in his eye let them know otherwise.

"If you're ready for your exam, Mr. Spock, you may follow me."

"Certainly, Miss Chapel." Spock turned to follow the nurse but then froze in his tracks. He turned around to see his mother drop her glass of water to the floor.

A choked voice came from the bed. "Amanda!"

Spock rushed to Sarek's bedside, and raised his hand back, then slapped his father as though in fury.

"Mr. Spock!" Christine started to rush to Sarek's bedside, but halted as Amanda violently shook her head.

"Again!"

This time Spock backhanded his father, even harder than before. As Spock raised his hand for a third blow, Sarek's hand shot up and encircled his son's wrist. "Quite sufficient."

"What was that?"

A strained baritone came from the biobed. "That is the only way to emerge from kan-sorn, Miss Chapel."

Still shaking her head, "Mr. Ambassador, I will inform the doctor that you are awake and retrieve some sonics for the bruising."

After Christine had left the room, Amanda almost sobbed in relief. "I always hate this part of Vulcan mind disciplines, but this time was the worst."

Sarek touched fingers with his wife. "All is well, Amanda. I am well."

"As a warning, Father, Dr. McCoy will insist upon seeing for himself."

Sarek suppressed an unVulcan sigh. "I predicted as much. I calculated the odds at 99.78 percent."

"Those were high odds, Father. It is not always so simple to accurately predict Dr. McCoy's reaction."

"Well, I shall sigh in relief for both of you. Not even awake five minutes and you're already debating statistics." Both Vulcans raised an eyebrow as Amanda laughed.

"I will take my leave of you for now. Miss Chapel still has to collect the data on the drug experiment," Spock turned to leave his parents but was stopped by his father's voice, now back to its normal resonance.

"Spock?"

"Yes, Father?"

His voice was low. "I wish to inform you in private that Vulcan infants most assuredly scream until they are green in the face upon teething."

Feeling the blood rush to his face, Spock left to seek out Christine before they saw a quite grown Vulcan turn green in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I figure that Vulcans don't have to slap the person in the trance as many times as even a Human man would.


	11. Scattered Pieces

Spock had waited for his moment. Inwardly he was grateful that McCoy had made Sarek stay one more night in Sickbay. It was unnecessary, but even Sarek's powers of verbal reasoning could dissuade the doctor from his orders.

He had no idea of how he was going to approach his father. But a promise to his mother was not one he offered lightly. So he entered Sickbay and found his father lying down, but not sleeping. Spock almost turned away from the door as he would not do something so unVulcan as interrupting one's meditation. But the voice from the dimly lit room halted him.

"Spock."

"Father, I did not intend to disturb your meditation. It is not something that cannot wait."

"I do not believe so, Spock. Otherwise, late at night would not have been when you chose to seek me out."

Spock took the seat that was usually his mother's and said, "Yes. I intended privacy, and I did not wish to wait until you were discharged to the guest suite. You were...projecting during the trance."

Sarek gave his son an almost apologetic look. "My telepathic abilities are not as powerful as yours. I honestly do not know how you deal with all of the emotions around you, every day. "

"One is not truly responsible for what occurs during the healing trance, Father. All of your usual discipline was involved in the task at hand. As it stands, I found the memory to be one of great benefit. It led to discoveries about my parents that more emotional cultures take for granted."

"You are referring to the meld with your mother."

"Yes. I have had moments where my Human half has believed that we had made Mother unhappy, bringing her to Vulcan to live within our culture, expecting to emulate the behavior that would have been expected in a Vulcan wife."

Sarek nodded fractionally, "Now you know the fallacy of that belief. I can only tell you this- I would not have married your mother, had I been completely unable to offer what she needed, in the privacy of our home. Her needs did not change because I was Vulcan, just as mine did not in the face of her humanity."

Spock flushed at the last statement, not at all ignorant of his father's reference. "You said you escorted Mother to the ballet, the symphony, and other forms of entertainment. I saw the image when I melded with her. It seemed to be an important moment to Mother."

"It was the turning point, as she called it. I had done some research into the production we were seeing. I knew that I wanted Amanda to know that I looked upon her with more than simple friendship."

Spock felt as if there were jigsaw pieces on the floor, and he only needed to place them together. "Where were you, and what did you see?"

Sarek softened at the memory. "I surprised her with an impromptu flight to New York, where I had procured a private balcony at a revival of Les Misérables."

One eyebrow flew upwards. "The Victor Hugo novel?"

"Yes, the very one. A barbaric tale, really. However, it would be rather hypocritical of Vulcans to say so. Terrans never had a history of warfare that approached the violence of ours."

"I've read the novel," replied Spock quietly. Mother said it was required classical reading on Earth. "I agree that as far as Earth standards go, it was rather barbaric. You thought that Mother would think that was....romantic?"

Sarek refrained from blanching at that last word. "I did a little spying and discovered that your Mother not only coveted tickets, but that it was one of her favorite stage musicals. I almost regretted it. Your mother was trying...and failing to hide tears from me during the entire performance."

"Why do Human women enjoy something that makes them have negative reactions such as tears?"

Slightly exasperated, Sarek replied, "That will always remain an enigma to me. However, if you ever choose a Human wife as I did, and discover the answer to that question, I hope you will feel that you can share that information with me."

Spock shot his father a warning glance but Sarek cut him off.

"I will not pressure you into any direction. However, it would be a great relief if you promised in advance never to choose a Tellarite."

"Mother would call that a joke, Father."

"That would require a humorous climax," deadpanned Sarek.

"There is no logic in choosing a bondmate with more mercurial moods than even Human women possess, so I believe I can honor that promise."

Spock rose from his seat. "Father, I will take leave of you so you may rest. I have found our conversation to be most satisfactory."

"There is one other thing you should know, Spock."

"Yes, Father?"

"Miss Chapel was humming a melody from that very play before I went into trance."

"Is that so, Father?"

"Yes, she often hums while at her duties. I recognize many of the pieces courtesy of your Mother's music collection. I promised to not interfere, but I didn't promise to not attempt to offer guidance."

"Rest well, Father." Spock couldn't prevent one side of his mouth curving upward as the doors swooshed behind him.

Out in the hallway, his half smile faded. The imaginary jigsaw puzzle still lay on the floor, as if he were missing something important. Spock decided his next move was to explore the ship's holovid library.

Back in Sickbay, Sarek closed his eyes, free of pain for the first time in weeks. He had not planned to divulge that last bit of information, but did not regret doing so. if it meant that Spock's welfare might be secured, then it was for the greater good. Spock would succumb to the emotion that even Sarek heartily approved of- curiosity.

In his quarters, Spock sat at his computer terminal. "Computer, search holovid library for Les Misérables, search under category of musical to narrow criteria."

"Three results for Les Misérables under category of musical."

"Computer, list films by critical rating, beginning with highest rated production."

Spock eyed the list, read the cursory summaries of each film and compared critical ratings. Watching holovids was not a pastime of his, but he didn't return to full duty until tomorrow. After all, if Sarek could find some logical value in it, then it was likely worth pursuing.


	12. Suddenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Major fluff alert! I chose this song to center the story around after seeing Les Misérables in the theater. The music geek in me had always loved the more dramatic pieces, but I'm also a lover of literature as well. This soft, simple ballad paralleled so closely with the literary Jean Valjean in a way that no other piece in the musical did.

Spock, of course, had read the novel in his youth, part of his education that was his mother's legacy to him. As a member of Starfleet, he had seen the suffering of many species. As a telepath, that suffering was always keenly felt by him, and he had to use all of the Vulcan disciplines to cope with it. If he could admit to being glad of something, it was knowing that all he was seeing was actors playing a part.

It seemed to Spock that the main premise of the story was illogical. He thought that a police officer in 19th century France would have better things to do than obsess over a man who stole something so small as a loaf of bread for his family. Filthy mobs, children starving in the streets, women forced into the oldest profession in every civilization he had ever studied, including his own. His human half pitied Javert. Self-hating Javert, who could not believe anyone could change. It went against his cultural upbringing in every way. Surak's movement of peace was based upon knowing that Vulcans could bury their warrior past, live in peace and logic, and as Victor Hugo might have expressed it, raise themselves to the light.

The musician in him, however, was not unmoved by the story as told in an opera format, but in Standard. He often used his lyre to express sentiments he would never verbalize. The suffering of Fantine, in particular, grabbed at his soul. Her song, not a technically perfect work of art, but the agonized, plaintive cry of someone who knows their life is over. Discharged from her respectable job because of the cruel jealousy of her female coworkers, she was forced by circumstance into a life of debauchery. As she lay dying of tuberculosis, all of her thoughts were for her daughter, and saving her. Fortunately, she did not die knowing how badly her daughter needed rescuing.

The music was lovely, and secretly he began to understand why his mother had loved the story so much. It promoted a principle worthy of Surak. Turning from hatred, charity towards others, and thinking of others before yourself.

Then Valjean arrived to rescue Fantine's daughter. He saw immediately how she had been abused by the crooked Thenardier family. If anyone deserved justice in the form of prison, it was they, for abusing a child in such a way. So he whisked her away, keeping his promise to Fantine that he would take Cosette and provide for her. As they rode away, the little girl curled up in Valjean's lap, and he began to softly sing.

After several measures, Spock paused the holovid.

This was the song! The vision of his mother, young and beautiful, turning to his father. She smiled with joy as she realized that her situation was not a hopeless one. With one move, Sarek had made his intent known. Amanda knew enough of Vulcan culture to know it could only mean marriage, as Vulcans did not engage in casual dalliances.

Resuming the playback, he listened to the rest of the song. His eidetic memory recalled the novel. This song was a perfect expression of the character's thoughts in the book.

Jean Valjean had never loved anything; for twenty-five years he had been alone in the world. He had never been father, lover, husband, friend. In the prison, he had been vicious, gloomy, chaste, ignorant, and shy...When he saw Cosette, when he had taken possession of her, carried her off, and delivered her, he felt his heart moved within him.

He suffered all the pangs of a mother, and he knew not what it meant; for that great and singular movement of a heart which begins to love is a very obscure and a very sweet thing.

Poor old man, with a perfectly new heart!

A beatific smile wreathed the face of the actor singing the song, and Spock felt that reach to him in a way that he had only known through his mother. This meant even more to him, because it was the gift his human half had inwardly wept in want of his entire life.

For the smile of Jean Valjean so closely resembled that of Sarek's, the night he had brought his family home, and had taken the holograph of Amanda cradling him in her arms.

Nevermore alone, nevermore apart

You have warmed my heart like the sun.

You have brought the gift of life and love so long denied me.

Suddenly I see, what I could not see

Something suddenly has begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Les Miserables- Part 12: Chapter 3  
> Suddenly- Les Miserables (2012)


	13. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of two chapters which deal solely with Spock and the musical. If you haven't seen the film, I'm fairly sure you can find "Suddenly" and "Empty Chairs" on YouTube. The latter is a particularly beautiful and haunting song. But this was part of Spock's journey with his parents, where he comes to understand them at last, as Sarek and Spock find understanding of each other. I never bought the TNG business about Spock and Sarek becoming estranged, especially not after Sarek had experienced Spock's death.

There's a grief that can't be spoken.

There's a pain goes on and on.

Empty chairs at empty tables,

now my friends are dead and gone.

The second half of the film was set during the historical and failed June Rebellion of 1832. Culturally speaking, France's history spoke of a people whose hearts burned brightly with passion of all kinds. On that level, it bore some similarities to Vulcan before Surak. France spent decades mired in their own civil wars. Spock actually marveled at the fact that between the First Revolution, Jacobinism, the new bourgeoisie ruling class, the Reign of Terror, tens of thousands executed without due process...that France ever emerged as a peaceful nation.

So these foolish young men in France went on a suicide mission in hopes of once again establishing a Republic.

Similar sentiments had boiled on Vulcan for hundreds of years, and the worst part was that their methods of warfare were far more advanced than those of 19th century France. Starvation was rampant. Frenzied battles were fought over water sources on his desert homeworld. Rival clans were attacked, and all things terrible that happened on Earth in their past wars were multiplied a hundredfold on Vulcan. Murder, rape (physical and mental), looting, thieving, slavery, torturing enemies, leaving undesired children exposed to the elements, any crime you could think of was committed on pre-Reform Vulcan.

Surak's principles were not adopted overnight. It came about gradually. Vulcans didn't wake up one morning and assume a mask of impassivity. It took millenia of conditioning and discipline for Vulcans to draw near to the philosophy that Surak promoted.

In the centuries immediately following the death of Surak, Vulcans that became known in history as the Survivors set about to master the emotions that were the most immediately dangerous to their world- hate, anger, violence. Gradually, even the smallest of clan feuds dissolved and truces were made. Water became a resource of the people, and no one withheld sources of water from people in the name of property ownership.

During this time, they also began to mourn everything they had lost in centuries of planetary civil war. Poems were written, songs were composed in the mourning of the dead. At this point, Vulcans were just beginning their pathway to logic. They did vow, however, to never forget their warrior past. They vowed to forever educate their progeny on the terrible consequences of what they had done to each other. Their legacy was their written history, and even the ancient songs and poetry about the fallen.

This was basic curriculum, even now, among Vulcan children. Not even the emotional songs and poetry were omitted, for the goal was to teach the past through the eyes of the participants. One of Spock's guilty pleasures was to play the beautiful and heartbreaking music of the Survivors. In a way, he not only felt the mourning of those who came before him, but he also mourned his loneliness in the universe. He was physically Vulcan, but he was the only Vulcan who had ever had to master both Human emotions and Vulcan passions. Spock felt a kinship with the Survivors, for he felt that they knew the difficulty of his path far better than contemporary Vulcans, Sarek included.

As it is written in Terran history, the French June Rebellion of 1832 was a failure and was extinguished within a week. France still remained a monarchy for many years afterwards.

Victor Hugo's retelling of the Rebellion ended no differently. He merely left a survivor in young Marius. Spock immediately drew the parallel between the suffering of Marius and the anguish of the Survivors. All of his friends, Enjorlas, Courfeyrac, little Gavroche, and even the beautiful and doomed Eponine died at the barricades. Eponine died for Marius, she saved him because she loved him, even with the knowledge that he loved another.

Marius was only alive because of love. Jean Valjean loved the girl he had raised as his daughter, so he took his life into his hands to rescue Marius from certain death. But the anguish Marius felt, the feeling of how it was all wasted, and the guilt that he lived was exactly what the Survivors felt. The music and poetry remained in the interest of Vulcan never sliding backwards into their terrible past. Spock recognized the correlation with the intensity of a blow, as the young man's face contorted in abject misery. The character of Marius took in the aftermath of what the passions of a handful of idealistic firebrands had accomplished...nothing. It had accomplished nothing but misery and death as the tears rolled down his face as he mourned in song for his friends.

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me!

What your sacrifice was for.

Empty chairs at empty tables,

Where my friends will sing no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are from "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Misérables.


	14. Stars

Stars, in your multitudes, scarce to be counted.

Filling the darkness, with order and light.

There was a time when Humans believed that stars were merely white points of light in the night sky. Humans of the past had believed many incredulous things to explain what they were not yet able to discover through science. It was once believed that the world was flat. The nation once known as the United States had a President in its early history that believed that the Earth was hollow. John Quincy Adams, son of John Adams (who was the second President) not only believed that the Earth was hollow, but beings lived inside the Earth. He even went so far as to support an expedition. He left office and the expedition was tabled because his successor believed two things- one being that the earth was flat, and the second was that popular opinion did not believe in the Hollow Earth Theory.

Time went on, as it does in every civilization. Truth comes to us all, in our time, and in our turn. The sound barrier broken, the first Earth lunar landing, and eventually, the warp drive that changed Earth's civilization forever. Humanity reached for grander accomplishments. Enter the Vulcans, who had known of Earth for centuries. Eventually it all led to the Federation.

On the observation deck, Sarek and Amanda walked together. Newly released from Sickbay, he was allowed to start some light exercise by taking walks. With the enormous windows, the view was breathtaking as different colors twinkled. Amanda sighed as they stopped in front of the window.

"What are thinking about, my wife?"

Amanda gazed out the window. A brief moment of frustration crossed her features and she turned to look at her husband. "If it weren't for the fact I have so many blessings to count, I would be so angry right now!"

"You must be referring to the fact that I kept my heart condition a secret from you."

"Yes! It doesn't matter that there was nothing I could have done. Think, Sarek! If something happened with my health, would you wish to be kept in the dark? You aren't a Healer, and you aren't a physician. There would be nothing that you could do, except be there for me. I realize that Vulcans do not think in those terms, but you aren't married to a Vulcan woman. In fact, Sarek, I would venture to say that between you and our son, Spock is more Vulcan than you!"

Sarek turned to his wife, nearly incredulous. "That's highly illogical, Amanda, considering that Spock is half-Human and I am not."

Amanda blew out a tiny puff of air, and turned her chin very slightly to the side. "That is not what I meant at all, husband. I think that you have never wanted to acknowledge the fact that for all of your Vulcan comportment, that there has always been something inside of you that longed for more."

"Elaborate."

"Do I really have to, Sarek? For all of my Vulcan garb, and public Vulcan manners, my ears are still quite round. I am emotional, loving, sentimental, merry, and mischievous. Something inside of you, all those years ago, responded to that, and responded to me as a man to a woman. If you hadn't had a little voice inside of you that wanted more from a marriage besides a woman that merely served you when necessary, you would have already been wed to a Vulcan woman when we met."

"Logical. But our marriage was also logical. I was free to choose another, but I wanted to be a husband to you. Where does Spock enter into the equation, besides the fact that he is undoubtedly a product of everything that you described?"

Amanda smiled at her husband. He would never say that Spock was a product of their love, but she really did know that he meant exactly that. That was the gift of the Vulcan marriage bond.

"Look at the view, my husband. Do you see how beautiful it is, Sarek?"

"It is quite aesthetically pleasing," Sarek conceded.

"Spock was looking for something more, too. He was locked into a betrothal bond with a woman who hated him. It would be decades before he could even take up the duties you have had as a Federation ambassador. Spock had two things going for him when he enlisted in Starfleet. He had the blood of two different species who had explored the known universe. He wanted more, Sarek. There has never been a Vulcan who has had the terrible task of simultaneously mastering Vulcan passions and Human emotion."

Sarek picked up his wife's hand and stroked it. "There are days that I am uncertain of who should be the diplomat between us. I did tell Spock that my marriage had made me less culturally blind towards more emotional cultures. But I have never pondered the possibility that Spock has had such an inner struggle- I just accepted, too easily, that he wanted a purely Vulcan path. I didn't want more Clans such as Stokh's to look down on Spock. He was worthy in every way, and exceeded even my expectations as far as his intellectual accomplishments."

"Is it logical to choose a purely Vulcan path for a child who is not purely Vulcan?"

"I once thought so. Spock's physiology and his telepathic gifts, his Vulcan side was truly dominant. But as you have said, we were the first to produce a Vulcan-Human hybrid child."

"We just had to wing it and fly blind, Sarek. Spock made his choices because he has always wanted your approval. But he felt something else calling to him. Have you ever wanted something so badly, Sarek, that if you didn't get it- that you felt as though you would just combust?"

"Only you, my wife." Sarek placed an arm around his wife's shoulders.

"Now that's why you're the diplomat, Sarek. If a Human said that, it would be construed as a silly pickup line. But from a Vulcan, it is nothing but sincerity. That's one of the reasons I married you. I hated the silly mind games Humans had a tendency to play in their relationships. I suppose it's why I had never found myself to attached to someone before I met you.

"A fact that was of great advantage to me, Amanda."

"I think, Sarek, that Spock wanted this." Amanda gestured to the window. "It wasn't to defy you or your plans for him. Vulcans live many decades beyond a Human lifespan. There is plenty of time for Spock to fulfill his dreams before he assumes his duties to Vulcan. From what I understand, Spock is gaining a great deal of experience in diplomacy from his duties here. His life in Starfleet means that he probably knows more about the cultures of other civilizations than you did when you assumed your father's ambassadorial duties. He wanted this, Sarek. Is it considered going against the grain as far as Vulcan society goes? Perhaps, but one might point out that he came by it quite honestly. You certainly turned Vulcan high society on its ear when you presented Amanda Grayson as your wife."

Sarek shook his head. "I still desire for him to come home."

"So do I, Sarek." Amanda faced her husband and gave him a joyful smile. "Count our many blessings, Sarek. Be content with what is! It is logical. I feel twenty years younger! You are well, you have reconciled with Spock and I no longer feel torn between the two of you. Spock can come home on leave without the awkward silence hanging over like storm clouds. The silver lining of all of this is that I never have to paste on a mask of civility for T'Pring again!"

"Amanda..." Sarek chided.

She threw her head back in laughter. "Oh, my stubborn Vulcan husband! I just hope that it doesn't take another 20 years for you to be proud of our son, and admit that his enlistment in Starfleet wasn't a catastrophic mistake!"

Alone on the deck, they embraced each other tightly and watched the stars together.


End file.
